Recently, it seems there have been a number of pet deaths in our SELS
community.

Our pets are family and when the time comes for them to leave us it is
heart wrenching.  And for many of our children, it is their first
experience with death.

Many parents have asked me if I have any suggestions for helping their
child work through their grief.

Since this is such a common experience, I thought it might be useful to
share some ideas with the community in case you find yourself in the middle
of this great loss.

How to help your children grieve the loss of a beloved pet:

1.  Normalize your child’s grief (as well as your own).  Repeat to your
child, as often as necessary,  that anything they are feeling is
appropriate and that everyone expresses there feelings in their own way.
There is no one “right” way to feel sad or grieve.   And there is no way to
tell how long that intense sadness will last.  It is different (and normal)
for everyone.

2.   Ask your child what they are going to miss the most about their pet.
It helps for them to talk about all their memories even if talking about
them makes them feel sad or cry.  Help them find avenues to release their
feelings.

3.  Put together a photo journal.  This can be a solo project or a big
family project.

Get an plain paper notebook and find some pictures of your pet.

Fill the notebook with pictures and memories.  At first this will be used
to help your child grieve.  But eventually it will turn into a beautiful
keepsake filled with wonderful memories.

4.  Help your child write their pet a goodbye letter thanking them for all
the things they gave you while they were alive.  This can include: cuddles,
outside play time; feelings of safety; and a good laugh at their antics….
just to name a few.

5.  Make a little alter for your pet  with pictures, his collar, some of
his favorite things when you are in the crux of the grief.  It’s  a great
place to sit to be present with the intense feelings and encourage it all
to come out.

Finally, I highly recommend the book Dog Heaven or Cat Heaven by Cynthia
Rylant. These books are beautiful tributes to our loving companions.  (I have one
of each in my office if you’d like to borrow it).

The most important thing is for children to realize that grief is a normal
part of life and learning how to express that grief is a life lesson that
will serve them well over and over again.